A year has gone by since i have written my last journal entry. Not much has changed on my list of things to do.
the good news is...I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. WOOT WOOT. lol. yes, Sean is my bf, he rocks and...yeah! lol
I have so many sweet inspirations right now, I'll just show you a few:
The first is Elsie Flannigan & her company red velvet art. She makes her money doing what she does best: being herself (and not like Paris Hilton acts like herself. check her out!)

Well, i am in class so i guess i should go.  byee

 

Mel

I miss my friend(s)...

thank you for your sound advice.
gonna go make out with a random now...

Why am I so afraid of being in a relationship?  Of someone liking me?  It scares me to death, and I don't know why.

OMG Megs and I did spin class today, then swam then ate and now I have to go to school.
Spin was soooooo hard, but good.  next week --> step.
anywhoo...I have set me goal.  Megs is the only one who knows, I am hoping to tell this special person on Jun 2.  it's my goal, and I think it can be done.  well, at least I hope.  Megs was like "Mel, you can do it now", and "I'm like, no, I have to wait." So, Jun 2 is the goal.  I know I am being very vague, but hopefully a few months from now, it will all make sense =D

gotta go shower,
go to school
clean
homework.
good to go!

melly

Life has kind of been a whirl wind as of late.  A lot of things have been happening, without me even realizing it.  Mel's party was crazy last Friday, I think it kind of turned me off of alcohol and I don't think I wil be drinking ever again.  Thursday Jacs, Mel, Adam, Seina, Mel (2), Kerri, Alanna, Kaitlin and more SFU/FP people went to Mirage.  Which was....amazing. I was the DD of course. Haha, I thought I was having a good time, making out with the randoms...until I found out he was BURNABY CREW!?!?  wth?!?!  oh crap.  then yesterday was Lindsey's birthday...interesting to say the least.  I was really happy B was there, and I liked my chats with geoff.  Dancing it up with Rhonnie was FUN!!!  and watching lindsey puke her guts out was...horrible actually.  (poor lindsey, other than that, i think she had a good time) lol.  Oooh, It was Dylan's birthday too...shout out to that.
Just watched Armagedden on T.V, I actually cried.  Rob told me that he believes every single movie has been a rip off of Armagedden.  LOVE YOU ROB! hahaha. 
anywhoo, thats my update.

mel is all alone.
mel has no one.
mel is all alone.

i don't know why, but I just really can't use those words.  it's such a stupid tactic.  calling someone a bad name doesn't really prove how smart you are it just slanders the person and shows you have no idea how to express yourself in an educated manner.  I guess some of you are wondering what is going on, and I would like to tell you, except, you obviously can read someone else's journal and anything I say will be argued against or whatever. um. yeah.
I am generally a nice person and I like almost everyone.  I think Rosie and I have always been on and off again friends.  I had heard the stories of what she had did when she was younger toward megan and lindsey, and I had seen their friendships end.  After highschool, we weren't entirely close, but we still hung out from time to time.  Basically I would like to think that I have changed for the better, but some people do not see it that way. 
She doesn't regret anything she has said about me, but maybe it is because "I am weak" but I cannot refer to her in the same words she has referred to me.  I guess if that makes me a weak person, THEN I AM WEAK!  I AM SO WEAK.  Let me list all the reasons why I am weak, I am weak because I have stayed friends with you for so long, scared of what you would do if I told you how I really felt about the way you treat people.  I am weak because I miss my dad so much and you would write that you were happy that he died.  I am weak because I chose people who would NEVER EVEN THINK THAT, over you.  This is why I am weak...

I want you to know that after this moment, you will be erased from my mind, and I know you will do the same to me, except for random entries to express what a horrible person I am.
I pray that God would forgive me for all the wrong I have committed on you, if done so.
I pray that he would bless you, because you are his child and he loves you unconditionally.
God has taught me to love my neighbour, and despite the hurtful things that have happened between us, I would not wish you harm or pain, like the pain you have caused me by being happy about my misfortunes.

What, oh what can a fat girl do?
What is it that she can be?
Where, when, or why is a fat girl here?
What makes her special, especially?

Is she a shield in a snowball fight?
Someone you can only kiss at night?
Someone to point at when you're feeling blue
To forget that you are really you?
Someone to be funny, to make you smile
So that you might go the extra mile
And decide to sympathize
And ask her out, despite her size?
Someone to follow, to find the best food?
Someone to mark when you're in a bad mood?
The first person to eat, should it come to that?
Because, of course, she's exceptionally fat
Shade to bask in on a hot summer day?
Someone who's kinda cute, from far away?
Someone, who would look really great
If only she would lose some weight?

A sidewalk cracker
A Sunday snacker
Though you know she eats everyday
A literal ice-breaker
An earth-quake maker
A 'Gee, great to meet you, but I can't stay'

What, oh what can a fat girl do?
What is it that she can be?
Somewhere along the line, I'd like to tell you
But it can't all be explained out, you see

So, should you see a fat girl waddling by
Give her a smile and a 'hi'
And ask her why she is that way
And you might get an answer…someday

I Miss Love Letters.

Heyyyy!! So, the Fashion Show was FUN!! was hectic and crazy but twas good. Lindsey and I were working in the back changing the models ~ sooo scary.





Beautiful table







The Presidents





The Models

I like Rent Remix. It's pretty good. I kinda want to go to London, just to see it...plan a trip??? (I should go to London...just for fun :D)

This is a song i wrote for addy like 3 years ago, I sang it once at fringe:

I never met a life,
I didn't wanna save,
I never heard a cause,
I didn't think was brave,
But what if I never knew,
The love that I shared with you,
I'm losing this grip,
I've tried and I've slipped away,
So,
Come take me out
Come take me away
I loved you once,
Isn't that enough today?
Come rain in this
Heartbroken place,
I loved you once,
Isn't that enough today

I never wrote a song,
That wasn't meant for you,
I've always had a doubt,
That you didn't love me too,
We've come so far,
We've tried so hard,
There's nothing left to say,
So,
Come take me out
Come take me away
I loved you once,
Isn't that enough today?
Come rain in this
Heartbroken place,
I loved you once,
Isn't that enough today?

beginning to realize its hard to spot the right and wrong, the good and the bad. I think we all would like to think we are essentially good. But we are definetly living in a world of grey.
A lot happier today thanks to Jonas, Ryan and being friends with Dustin again. Well, maybe not necesarily friends, but we hung out at a party and had some laughs which is refreshing.
Don't know why I am so mean to a certain person. Watching their loved ones pass away, their true love even, and here I am, every day...being horrible. I don't know how they stand me? Things are gonna change, for the better.

Have you ever made a decision so big that, that one decision completely and utterly changed the course your life was headed. And you never knew whether that decision was necessarily good or bad, but maybe just a missed opportunity. That was me, 2 months ago. I let someone walk away and now here I am searching for them once more. It's stupid to try, but deep down in my heart, i think they are searching for me too. Maybe its the new macbook, or pretty pink I-pod, or the fact that Jacs and I can talk about anything, or the feeling that Megan and I are always gonna be great friends, and great friends isn't necessarily hanging out every waking moment, but knowing just exactly what the other is thinking or feeling when you say something to them. I have great friends, and even when they are gone from home, they are always there for me, and I am there for them.
I am happy that Rory is coming back, we were never great friends in highschool...not like elementary school, but talking to him on the phone, reassured me that he will be a great addition to our group, if he so chooses to hang out with us. Adam and Jenny are also coming back as well..which should be pretty interesting I daresay.
My teeth are terribly sore, but I am dealing. I was supposed to go and see Hairspray with breanne tonight but i just couldn't do it so I had to bail on her which I feel really bad about. Sorry Breanne!!!
So yeah..work tomorrow. I really hope evan calls sarah for an interview..but i think that is hoping for a little much right now...who knows. I can't wait to go clubbing with that girl and celebrate her b-day...also- talked to anth today..he has his big weekend plans and here I am alone..in pain..watching Jonathan Rhys Meyers as the hott henry VIII..not that the real henryVIII was hott, but JRM is very cute. so yesss...that is all i guess for today.
In case you were wondering about my last post...I got dehydrated from the surgery, then i couldn't keep anything down and there was getting sick involved, so my mom took me to emerge to get an IV with gravol, and zortal and i puked some more and then i was healed...well at least my head was healed...and now my teeth hurt. BLEHHH!!
have fun camping megan!!

so i went to emerge this morning. this were bad, real bad. but i am okay now.
pain is somewhat gone..so..i guess im happy?
i must call megan- give details. jacs, thanks.

so today is 5 years to the day.
its strange.
no one cares
except for me
i care.
i miss you
less we forget.
today i lost my best friend.

this is stupid
6th in provincials.
woot.

its weird when u see ppl you know hanging out with other ppl, and u really aren't used to it, and it kinda freaks you out. i miss matt, need to talk to that guy. i also miss jacs, adam and jenny. its soo lonely here without them. no one to hang out with, or talk to on the phone. =( can't wait for provincials, its gonna be awesome!! i really wanna do well..but who knows. Gill is at camp right now, so jeal..and then im not at the same time. blehhh. work was crazy today, just tomorrow and then im done for the week. wheeee. got an e-mail from ms king, gotta write that lady back!!

Soooo..I went to baseball practice today. then i headed off to Softball City to the opening cereomonies where my cousin is playing this week. I got to watch Canada and Georgia play, as well as Japan (my heroes) and Venezuela. Twas a great day. then off to Janice's for the fireworks in white rock. I had this really strong urge to go to a drive-in movie. really really wanna go. :)


Canada team in a huddle.